AWESOME

Gray Matters

Brain Injury: The Inside Perspective

Having a brain injury refigures a person’s reality. Though physically, you may not be able to discern that this person has survived a brain injury, in the unseen world, this person is not a mirror reflection of you.

Survivors are often misread and not understood; it’s not easy to understand how a survivor’s world is different without the right guidance. Their world is re-assembled; and of course, many dynamics are problematic, yet survivors usually become more genuine! Gray Matters is aimed at giving you the personal sense of what it is like to walk in the shoes of a brain injury survivor, so you can understand for yourself what type of personal alterations take place after going through a brain injury.

The lack of personal discernment and sensitivity regarding survivors of brain injury is what stirred me to write Gray Matters.  When others treat survivors with lack of consideration, or even look down at them for what they’re not able to do (like follow conversation or remember what was just said – and the list goes on…), this drives survivors further into isolation or depression.  With Gray Matters, I am looking to familiarize my readers with what it is like to go from abled to disabled and how the effects of brain injury are all –inclusive.  I do this because “Knowledge births tolerance and acceptance. For survivors deserve to be granted their peace!” (Lerner, 2006, p. 36).

The very first poem I wrote about brain injury (see below) provoked such inner reflection, that I was inspired to keep writing, until finally, it became evident that I was writing a book. My intent is to give my readers a personal feeling, not just a cognitive library.  Yet if I use any clinical terms, definitions can be found in the glossary and other references can also be found in the bibliography; the aim is to target people to learn about brain injury.  The purpose is to present a new, uncomplicated method of understanding what happens when our brain is injured.

Trauma’s Unceasing Harvest

Have you heard anything

Regarding injury to the brain?

For in your heart,

You’d think it’s such a shame.

Lets take Jimmy here,

He’s a friend of mine,

Walking to school one day,

Everything was just fine,

Ready to cross the street,

Two cars hit with a crash,

One car rebounded,

And laid Jimmy in the grass.

Sent him right into dreamland,

Twenty days in a coma, or more -

And now he’s battling with himself,

Just to do every day chores.

He sees a therapist regularly,

The way he handles,

I don’t know how,

But let’s ask Jimmy

How he’s doing now.

“It was hard for me at first,

Everything seemed so strange,

Yet my teacher tells me,

That nothing’s changed!

The girl that I used to like,

We’d meet out on the track,

When our classes were free,

Now she won’t even look at me!

To tell you the truth,

I don’t know

If I want to be here in school,

They all look at me

Like I’m such a fool.”

Well thank you Jimmy,

For speaking your mind,

Just know that out there,

Are people that care,

Them, I’m sure that you will find.

Being dragged through the wringer,

Jimmy starts his wrinkled life anew,

And as much as you may have heard,

Do you really know what Jimmy’s going through?

When you read Gray Matters, you will delve into the Inside Perspective of brain injury and also come to know the importance of hope, support, love, faith and a good attitude! Survivors can gain a more complete understanding of their injury and of themselves; I have been told that reading Gray Matters has helped many to cope.   Friends and family will gain a better understanding of their loved one’s condition and how they can proactively interact.  For professionals in the field of Rehab, I’d like for them to walk away with new insight and sensitivities in their work with brain injury survivors. Gray Matters is uplifting and inspiring; it contains many gems!  I hope that all who read Gray Matters will enjoy it and soak in its riches!

Heidi Lerner is the Founder and Director of Gray Matters Survivor Outreach, a peer-based initiative for brain injury survivors.  Heidi facilitates several Gray Matters Support Groups in and outside of San Diego California.  She is the Director of the Gray Matters Survivor Outreach Mentorship Program in which mentors will be utilized to individualize, accentuate and accelerate the needed developments in their rehabilitation.

Gray Matters for you!

I want you to picture this – One summer day, the sun is shining.  You’re walking  along the road and you come to a traffic light.  It flashes walk and you cross the road.  A car comes speeding through the red light and sends you flying onto the sidewalk.  Your head hits the concrete and you immediately go into a comatose state, where you remain for days, even weeks…  What will it be like when when you open your eyes?  What will you be like?  …Have you ever thought about these things?

Yes, we may not be aware of all our capabilities until we go with out them, but this is my challenge as a writer.   I aim at giving my readers a sense of what it’s like to walk in the shoes of a brain injury survivor.  Read Gray Matters, you don’t have to go through the rough ride of trauma to the brain!    Have you ever felt your brain was all tied up in knots?  We all have rocks in the road that we stumble upon.  My theory is  we come to use those challenges to make us strong!  Gray Matters is provocative, light hearted and a fun book; it is inspirational.

Gray Matters can be purchased here:   Gray Matters for you!.  Pass this link onto someone who has  been through more trying experiences or knows somebody that has. For some, it may be a saving grace.

Paved Paradise

I guess Joni Mitchell
was pretty right on,
When she said
that we’ll never know
what we’ve got
until it’s gone.

Does that mean
we don’t usually appreciate our A, B or C
until they’re taken from us?
I ask – does this have to be true?
Can you possibly imagine
that this has happened to you…?

In the flash of a moment,
the picture perfect sky
cracks into millions of tiny pixels.
The sun boils, blisters,
Pops and oozes dry.

The sedatory crash of the ocean waves
Turns to high-pitched wails.
Shock sets in,
Melody siphons into monotone,
Life’s intimacies are dulled,
Processing slows,
Everything changes

In a blink of circumstance.
Pains cringe out of unknown places,
Emotions turn up their volume,
How you are now is not the same
as how you once were.
Now deal with it!

Smoke comes out of the tractor’s exhaust…
Your paradise has been paved
and they’re installing a parking lot.

In time,
You’ll be looking for a parking space,
and you’ll never know
what was once there in that place.
Worse yet and what’s a scare,
You will not know what could have been there!

At first,
You probably don’t realize
what you cannot do.
Just try to not let it get to you!

Brain injury flattens out our many capabilities,
Even ones that beforehand, we were not aware.
I guess some of us must learn these things the hard way -
The question remains…
Must we go through loss
To appreciate what was once there?

I’m calling to attention -
In you, I’m trying to cause a rustle,
So that you can exercise your empathy muscle!

To the unimpaired,
This is aimed,
So ignorance of this loss
will cease.
Knowledge births tolerance,
Acceptance…
For survivors deserve
To be granted their peace.

A clear portrait is being painted
of what we’ve got…
So don’t belittle others,
Because what you can do,
they cannot.
Please…
Don’t pave paradise and put up a parking lot!

Heidi Lerner

Gray Matters for you!

Gray Matters – Brain Injury: The Inside Perspective
Heidi Lerner

Imagine this: the sun’s shining and you’re crossing at the light. Out of nowhere, a car comes racing through the red light and…WHACK! You go flying through the air and land on the sidewalk. Your head hits the concrete. Immediately, you go into a comatose state… When you come to, what are things like? What are YOU like? Have you ever thought of such things?

Silent Epidemic

What would it be like to have a brain injury? It is a dilemma for brain injury survivors that others simply don’t have a clue what they are going through. People don’t comprehend the devastation or how comprehensive the affects are in a survivor’s every day world. This lack of awareness is often a strong factor that drives survivors further and further into isolation. This hovering vacancy of knowledge is the “silence” in which brain injury spreads, hence the “Silent Epidemic”.

Gray Matters remedies the Silent Epidemic

Heidi Lerner introduces an intriguing book of poetry, Gray Matters, Brain Injury: The Inside Perspective, in which she offers an introspective, resourceful and sometimes humorous view of what it is like to suffer a near-fatal blow to the head and live with its complications. Ms. Lerner was in a car wreck twenty years ago, where she sustained a severe Traumatic Brain Injury. Ten years after her injury, she earned her Masters degree in Special Education specifically for survivors of brain injury. Gray Matters gives its readers a non-clinical, but professionally based sense of what a brain injury entails. Readers walk away with a personal sense of what it’s like to walk in the shoes of a brain injury survivor.

The author brings a smile to her readers’ faces; she touches on serious issues, but not in a distressing tone. She believes that laughter can be “emotional medicine”. The aim is to help survivors see objectively the problems they’re going through and glimpse the lighter side of these otherwise troublesome issues. Such insight and humor can cause attitudes to adjust, leading to acceptance and a better coping with problems brought about by brain injury.

The chapters of the book consist of Brain Injury, Sequelae, Rehabilitation and The Brain. Sequelae (i.e. meaning symptoms) is a particularly educational chapter where poems masterfully articulate many of the symptoms of brain injury. The last chapters are Academia, Nature’s Touch and Circle of Support. Academia is regarding Cognitive Rehab through schooling, Nature’s Touch is about how the ocean serves in recreational therapy. Lastly, Circle of Support illustrates the therapy of support groups.

Audience of Gray Matters

The target audience is multi-faceted. The primary aim is to educate those personally affected by injury to the brain. This includes survivors, their friends and family members as well as caregivers and other therapeutic professionals. The aim is to be an intellectual, psychological and emotional support. The secondary purpose is to educate the general community about what it’s like to have an insult and compromise to our master organ, for those who have been spared the drama of brain injury.

Ms. Lerner has been most distressed to see how professionals in the field of rehab have such an un-personalized, book-knowledge of brain injury. They should know that they are not treating information, they are treating people!!! In a review in the Journal of Neurosciences Nursing, Marie Lasater states “Gray Matters will give survivors of TBI hope and reassurance that they are not alone in their rehabilitation process. It will help family members understand the thought process of the brain injured patient. It will also guide the health care provider in giving optimal rehabilitative care.”

In the sickness of silence, we are called to a new frontier of awareness regarding brain injury:

In the field of rehabilitation,
Brain injury is often termed the “Silent Epidemic”
Silence hovers around the lack of awareness,
Allows for infectious growth.

But for a brain injury survivor,
The epidemic is far from quiet.
It is PERVASIVE / COMPREHENSIVE / UNDENIABLE,
Life gets off skew,
GOT TO GET A BALANCE!
Organic dysfunction,
24-7… dealing!
Rehabilitation is a full time job.

Lets break the curse of silence!
You need to know on the inside
What it’s like to walk in my shoes.
Pick up my book,
Listen to my rhyme,
I’ll have you captivated in no time!

This is a call to awareness…
Pass on the word of what you hear,
We are breaking the silence
Thanks to your receptive ear.

We’re opening the gates,
Enter and you can feel.
IT’S OK TO CARE,
Because empathy heals!
Melt those stones in there,
Love rebounds,
When it’s found.

We’re paving the way for knowledge,
We are the pioneers…

Gray Matters!

Contact info:

Heidi Lerner
Brain Injury Advocate, Peer Support Specialist, Published Author
www.graymatters4u.org
braininjuryadvocacy@roadrunner.com

Survivor

Holding firmly onto a purpose,

In active pursuit,

Personal rehabilitation.

We’re on the move,

Despite obstacles,

Emotional travail…

It gets kind of personal.

Survivor

Needing to compensate,

Leads us

To examining ourselves

In depth,

Continuously,

The inner eye of rehab,

Always watching,

24-7,

Stay awake!

Or more therapy it’ll take.

Not a victim of tragedy,

But over-comer of functional challenges,

Getting back on task,

Every day – getting by in the world,

Struggling toward independence,

Even amidst the walls of crumbling self-worth,

Inner torment…

Survivor

Our cards have been dealt,

And we’re working with our hands.

Challenges,

Inner battles,

Finding a balance,

Building character,

Standing strong.

We try to not

Let our weaknesses

Harm our self-concept.

Rehab is the fitness trainer of the self,

Exercising repetitive self-correction.

Beware -

A critical mind

Never fully loves itself.

Don’t swallow it

Hook, line and sinker!

Mustn’t we consider

Forgiving ourselves

For our wrongs?

As we accept each other as is,

Drops of love trickle down,

Leaving us richer in depth,

Helping us to heal,

A touch of faith…

Survivor.

It’s a Good Life

Everything was fine,

Then one day,

My life buckled under.

Now I walk around,

And my scars are under cover.

I swam up and jumped aboard again.

Sure, there are some functional irregularities,

But I’m glad to have another time around the bend.

This is a “Cheers” to those that trauma has taken for a fall,

For we all agree that it is a good life, after all!

Gray Matters for you!

Why attend a brain injury support group?

*   Emotional healing comes through interpersonal contact

*   Sharing of similar experiences helps members feel less isolated and more empowered to deal with daily challenges

*   Encouragement comes from learning about the achievements of others who have overcome similar difficulties

*   In contributing, members feel useful and the experience gives meaning to their lives

*   Education results from the exchange of information and personal experiences

*   Enhances interpersonal skills

* Socializing establishes and teaches the importance of maintaining important connections with people

* Self-expression – as emotions are experienced and released, creates a greater understanding of oneself and one’s capabilities can be better accessed

* Involves confidence building

* A supportive and non-judgmental environment allows for honest self-expression and better interpersonal communication

*   A sense of growth occurs

*   Long-term members see new participants and reminisce about where they began and how far they have come in their personal journey.

Master Organ

Infinite mind,
Intelligible cortex,
Neural networking,
All parts of the brain
Meshed into the whole,
Interconnected,
Complex,
Yet simple system,

Encased in a bony skull,
Protected and covered
by three membranes,
Outside  in
The wrapping of a heavy plastic sheet,
Cob-webbing amidst the wrinkles and folds,
Tender molding in the crevices,
…Cushioned
Gelatinous mind.

Internal landscape,
Delicate nerve tissue,
Nurtured by vessels,
Flowing from the heart,
Circulating into the subconscious.

A good portion is hollowed out.
Fluid circulates,
Reservoirs of plenty,
Cerebro-spinal current,
Pulsing at it’s own rhythm,
Flowing down the vertebral falls,

Wrinkles & crevices,
Cerebrum,
Distinguished into hemispheres,
In a dichotomized world,
Corpus Callosum
Bridges the differences.

The right side of the machine -
Neurologically connects
to the left side of the body.
- Left to right,
Impulses neurotransmit,
Leaping the gaps.

Lobes fenced off,
Accomplishing distinct functions,
Frontal, Temporal, Parietal, Occipital,
(for more info, see Appendix E in the book),
Working together to get it all done.

In today’s rush,
Cerebellum triggers movement,
Stem rooted into the chord of the spine.
Bundles of nerves,
Connecting,
Wiring together all our different parts,
Conducting the symphony of ourselves,

Intellectual, Emotional, Functional,
Physical, Psychological, Social,

Sensory, Intuitive,
Holistic, Multimodal,

Survival,
Evolution,

It’s all in our head.

Riding down the road,

Windows cracked open,

Music’s playing,

Drifting off…

I catch myself,

Jam on the brakes!

- Too late!

Immediate shock of adrenaline!

≈≈ Terror ≈≈

Out of control…

My world turns,

Rough tumbling,

Thrust,

Smack!

Through the windshield,

Stunned,

Shattered,

Into another world,

Flying…

Through space,

…Landing,

Lost in time,

Long suffering.

Post injury -

Years later,

Doing everyday errands,

Driving around town,

Memories flash,

I get a feeling…

Embroidered deep,

Subconsciously instilled,

Out from the darkness they creep.

Impressions awaken,

I get a taste of recall,

Subliminal messages become overwhelming,

Personal horror,

A shot out of the dark!

I lose myself in time,

Am I then or now?

It gets confusing, somehow,

Emotional scars,

Relived,

Over and over again.

The insides go into replay,

Real life suspended in animation,

Only it’s not funny!

Perspiration,

Wake up!

And the wheel turns…

Post Traumatic Stress

One of the blog subscribers said

“Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.”

Just had to let you guys hear that!

BRAVO!!!

Semantic adventurer,

Warrioress of thought,

Pulling from the parts,

Yet envisioning the whole,

Stanzas of planned format,

Leap out of the page at you

In spontaneous meaning,

Linguistic artist,

Imprints her mind on the page,

Imagine that…

She uses her brush of thought,

To paint her feelings,

Her words give her color,

Shaded by grammatics,

She paints an abstract mural,

For her readers

To enjoy and comprehend,

Simultaneous designs,

Approaching their minds,

Subconscious infiltration,

She plays educational twister,

With a plan to be spontaneous,

Words are her allies,

Her thoughts are the pieces of the puzzle,

And she is the Master puzzle maker.

“Do not go where the path may lead,
go instead where there is no path
and leave a trail.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

‎”The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (courtesy Edward Rholl)

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and
how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to
make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling.
It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose..

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with
water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the
first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last
she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without
saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished
the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and
placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning
to her daughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.
She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the
daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she
observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The
daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked,
‘What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the
same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went
from strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the
boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile.
Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after
sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The
ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling
water, they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks
on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee
bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong,
but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my
strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes
with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup,
a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and
stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and
tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot
water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets
hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.  If you are like the bean,
when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation
around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest,
do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials
to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to  make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of
everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their
way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you
can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and
heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was
smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and
everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE

If the Lord brings you to it, He will bring you through it

Psychosociality

It’s really hard to understand,

How a person is affected psychosocially.

“Psychosocial” refers to -

Emotional, social, behavioral and psychological

Distresses caused by injury.

The following is a seemingly endless list.

These symptoms are less obvious to the average eye,

They are more enduring and harder to pacify.

Here is an inventory

Of survivors’ ongoing obstacles:

· Increased emotionality

· Poor self-awareness

· Being socially inappropriate

· Frequent mood changes

· Being unmotivated or seeming to be of no use

· Reacting with alcohol and drugs

· Social disinhibition

· Depression

· Self-esteem disintegrates

· Loneliness

· Egocentricity/self-importance

· Anxiousness

· Impulsivity

· Decreased sense of discernment or judgment

· Poor anger management

· Insensitivity to others

· Unawareness of how actions impact others

· Lessened ability to interpret emotions & read situations

· Lowered tolerance for frustration

This is a somewhat complete list,

But no doubt,

There’s some that I missed,

Some advice -

About what to give the survivor,

How to supportively console:

Encourage strengths (e.g. sports, music or crafts),

So s/he won’t over-identify with the “sick role”.

Lastly,

After the continuous self-correction of rehab,

Please don’t underestimate the power of your love,

And positive feedback!

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

~Harriet Beecher Stowe

It’s been quite some time
I’ve been traveling on this route,
No one ever told me
What it was all about,
I’ve been probed to my core,
Sometimes I wonder
What it’s all for,

I’m affected on the inside
Morning, noon and night,
My friends and family
Say it will be all right.
But what do they know?
They’ve never been down this road,
All they know
Are the impressions that I’ve showed.

Oh Lord,
Help me.
No one ever told me
How complex all of these difficulties would be.
There are no signs pointing the way,
How can people say it’ll be Ok?

They may know of my problems with memory,
But they couldn’t possibly know
How widespread it affects me!
What about my sense of disorientation
And the disappearance of my dreams?
How come no one ever told me about these things?

There are potholes along the road,
My abilities have seemed to corrode,
No one ever paved this road for me,
I trip over obstacles I can’t even see,

Sometimes,
I feel the doctors are only guessing,
I think
Some may need
More knowledge and skill
To be assessing!

I don’t want the doctor
To paint the picture
What my outcome will be…
He may be having a bad day,
I believe much more in me!

I may be making it up as I go,
But I best accommodate for myself,
This I know.
I trust in my instincts,
Get a little help along the way,

Trauma to the brain,
Neurological traffic,
…Blocks do let up
Along the unpaved road.

Symptoms abounding:
Behavioral,
Emotional,
Sense of self,
Psychosocial,
Cognitive,

Untying knots,
Braiding myself back together,
Rehabilitation.

Therapy -
Knowledge rebounds in the aftermath,
Recognizing new parts of myself,
Healing is in flow,
Internalizing,
Developing,
I’m traveling down that road.

A little known fact….

The first testicular guard “Cup” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Gray Matters – Brain Injury: The Inside Perspective
Heidi Lerner

Imagine this: the sun’s shining and you’re crossing at the light. Out of nowhere, a car comes racing through the red light and…WHACK! You go flying through the air and land on the sidewalk. Your head hits the concrete. Immediately, you go into a comatose state… When you come to, what are things like? What are YOU like? Have you ever thought of such things?

Silent Epidemic

What would it be like to have a brain injury? It is a dilemma for brain injury survivors that others simply don’t have a clue what they are going through. People don’t comprehend the devastation or how comprehensive the affects are in a survivor’s every day world. This lack of awareness is often a strong factor that drives survivors further and further into isolation. This hovering vacancy of knowledge is the “silence” in which brain injury spreads, hence the “Silent Epidemic”.

Gray Matters remedies the Silent Epidemic

Heidi Lerner introduces an intriguing book of poetry, Gray Matters, Brain Injury: The Inside Perspective, in which she offers an introspective, resourceful and sometimes humorous view of what it is like to suffer a near-fatal blow to the head and live with its complications. Ms. Lerner was in a car wreck twenty years ago, where she sustained a severe Traumatic Brain Injury. Ten years after her injury, she earned her Masters degree in Special Education specifically for survivors of brain injury. Gray Matters gives its readers a non-clinical, but professionally based sense of what a brain injury entails. Readers walk away with a personal sense of what it’s like to walk in the shoes of a brain injury survivor.

The author brings a smile to her readers’ faces; she touches on serious issues, but not in a distressing tone. She believes that laughter can be “emotional medicine”. The aim is to help survivors see objectively the problems they’re going through and glimpse the lighter side of these otherwise troublesome issues. Such insight and humor can cause attitudes to adjust, leading to acceptance and a better coping with problems brought about by brain injury.

The chapters of the book consist of Brain Injury, Sequelae, Rehabilitation and The Brain. Sequelae (i.e. meaning symptoms) is a particularly educational chapter where poems masterfully articulate many of the symptoms of brain injury. The last chapters are Academia, Nature’s Touch and Circle of Support. Academia is regarding Cognitive Rehab through schooling, Nature’s Touch is about how the ocean serves in recreational therapy. Lastly, Circle of Support illustrates the therapy of support groups.

Audience of Gray Matters

The target audience is multi-faceted. The primary aim is to educate those personally affected by injury to the brain. This includes survivors, their friends and family members as well as caregivers and other therapeutic professionals. The aim is to be an intellectual, psychological and emotional support. The secondary purpose is to educate the general community about what it’s like to have an insult and compromise to our master organ, for those who have been spared the drama of brain injury.

Ms. Lerner has been most distressed to see how professionals in the field of rehab have such an un-personalized, book-knowledge of brain injury. They should know that they are not treating information, they are treating people!!! In a review in the Journal of Neurosciences Nursing, Marie Lasater states “Gray Matters will give survivors of TBI hope and reassurance that they are not alone in their rehabilitation process. It will help family members understand the thought process of the brain injured patient. It will also guide the health care provider in giving optimal rehabilitative care.”

In the sickness of silence, we are called to a new frontier of awareness regarding brain injury:

In the field of rehabilitation,
Brain injury is often termed the “Silent Epidemic”
Silence hovers around the lack of awareness,
Allows for infectious growth.

But for a brain injury survivor,
The epidemic is far from quiet.
It is PERVASIVE / COMPREHENSIVE / UNDENIABLE,
Life gets off skew,
GOT TO GET A BALANCE!
Organic dysfunction,
24-7… dealing!
Rehabilitation is a full time job.

Lets break the curse of silence!
You need to know on the inside
What it’s like to walk in my shoes.
Pick up my book,
Listen to my rhyme,
I’ll have you captivated in no time!

This is a call to awareness…
Pass on the word of what you hear,
We are breaking the silence
Thanks to your receptive ear.

We’re opening the gates,
Enter and you can feel.
IT’S OK TO CARE,
Because empathy heals!
Melt those stones in there,
Love rebounds,
When it’s found.

We’re paving the way for knowledge,
We are the pioneers…

Gray Matters!

Contact info:

Heidi Lerner
Brain Injury Advocate, Peer Support Specialist, Published Author
www.graymatters4u.com
braininjuryadvocacy@roadrunner.com

I want you to picture this – One summer day, the sun is shining.  You’re walking  along the road and you come to a traffic light.  It flashes walk and you cross the road.  A car comes speeding through the red light and sends you flying onto the sidewalk.  Your head hits the concrete and you immediately go into a comatose state, where you remain for days, even weeks…  What will it be like when when you open your eyes?  What will you be like?  …Have you ever thought about these things?

Yes, there is truth to that we don’t realize what we’ve got until it’s gone, but I aim at giving my readers a sense of what it’s like to walk in the shoes of a brain injury survivor.   Have you ever felt your brain was all tied up in knots?  We all have rocks in the road that we stumble upon.  My point is to come to use those challenges to make us strong!  Gray Matters is not a heavy book, it is provocative, light hearted, inspirational, and even fun.

You can purchase my book by pressing on the leaf on my home page.  Pass a link to me onto someone who has  been through more trying experiences or knows somebody that has. For some, it may be a saving grace.

Paved Paradise

I guess Joni Mitchell
was pretty right on,
When she said
that we’ll never know
what we’ve got
until it’s gone.

Does that mean
we don’t usually appreciate our A, B or C
until they’re taken from us?
I ask – does this have to be true?
Can you possibly imagine
that this has happened to you…?

In the flash of a moment,
the picture perfect sky
cracks into millions of tiny pixels.
The sun boils, blisters,
Pops and oozes dry.

The sedatory crash of the ocean waves
Turns to high-pitched wails.
Shock sets in,
Melody siphons into monotone,
Life’s intimacies are dulled,
Processing slows,
Everything changes

In a blink of circumstance.
Pains cringe out of unknown places,
Emotions turn up their volume,
How you are now is not the same
as how you once were.
Now deal with it!

Smoke comes out of the tractor’s exhaust…
Your paradise has been paved
and they’re installing a parking lot.

In time,
You’ll be looking for a parking space,
and you’ll never know
what was once there in that place.
Worse yet and what’s a scare,
You will not know what could have been there!

At first,
You probably don’t realize
what you cannot do.
Just try to not let it get to you!

Brain injury flattens out our many capabilities,
Even ones that beforehand, we were not aware.
I guess some of us must learn these things the hard way -
The question remains…
Must we go through loss
To appreciate what was once there?

I’m calling to attention -
In you, I’m trying to cause a rustle,
So that you can exercise your empathy muscle!

To the unimpaired,
This is aimed,
So ignorance of this loss
will cease.
Knowledge births tolerance,
Acceptance…
For survivors deserve
To be granted their peace.

A clear portrait is being painted
of what we’ve got…
So don’t belittle others,
Because what you can do,
they cannot.
Please…
Don’t pave paradise and put up a parking lot!
(Joni Mitchell, 1970)

I am waiting
ON DISABILITY TIME,
to hear
if I get
a position
Access to Independence
Peer Support Specialist.
I feel as if I am floating in the air,
wanting,
but not knowing.
Helping others to their lilipads
after traumatic injuries
I am grounded
in self-confidence
Want to put my skills into action
If not,
maybe
I’ll become a professional surfer
dancer!
I dance
to save myself
from boredom!
Synchronicity of mission,
care for others
and personal healing.
Emotional well-being,
Support
Do the clients service,
I get mitzvot
under my belt
in helping others…
It’s all good!

Happy holidays and an exciting, happy and healthy New Year to all!

Celebration

It’s Mom’s birthday,
A day to rejoice in her arrival,
It’s a day for living to celebrate,
Also a day to give praise for my survival,

It’s been fifteen years,
It seems there’s no more gloom to clear,
No, not this year,
No urgency,
No tears,
Less need to reflect,
No hidden pains to dissect,

I’m building a new life,
Less dependency,
Less strife.
It gets cold
And alone,
In pulling away,
From habits I’ve known.

The day’s meaning I actually forgot,
Mom called and reminded me,
How she’s grateful,
That me she’s got,
And that I’m here,
To celebrate another year…

The toils & strife that I’ve endured,
I’ve earned the right to be heard..
I smile knowingly and sweetly,
Feeling ready to approach new frontiers,
Because I’ve survived
Eighteen years.

I know that holiday season approaching, the word celebration’s meaning just may be up for discussion! Loneliness at this time of year can be rough.

That said, I do want to announce Gray Matters Support Group is going to have a holiday celebration/ guest speaker on Friday night, December 14. We will be meeting at Ko Ko Beach Restaurant in Carlsbad, CA. Penelope Andrade will be speaking on using emotions as medicine. For more info on the meeting, e-mail me at heidi@graymatters4u.com.

The following is Penelope’s synopsis of her presentation.

Emotional Medicine: Key to Recovery

1 hour presentation for Brain Injury Support Group December 14, 2007

Recovering from physical, emotional or mental trauma requires emotion!

Sad, Mad, Scared, Glad emotions are medicine…when you know how to use them!

1–3 minutes of emotional flow is essential to: 1. help restore clarity to your brain; 2. shift your moods from bad to glad; 3. Strengthen your immune system, nervous system, glandular system and facilitate healing communication between body and mind.

Most of us do not know how to use the good medicine our emotions provide to heal ourselves and our lives. This presentation will focus on the simple steps anyone can take to unlock the door to their own inner pharmacy of emotional medicine:

* How to tell the difference between an emotion and a ‘story’ or dysfunctional thought.

* How to use body sensations to decipher your body’s messages about what emotional medicine is needed.

* How to move through numbness and come back to life.

* How three minutes of emotional flow makes the difference between gloom and glory.

* How to restore calmness and confidence in just 9 minutes no mater what is happening.

In this exciting, inspiring one hour presentation, participants will have an opportunity to release old belief systems about emotions being bad and toxic. They will learn how old thought patterns prevent them from enjoying the benefits of brief, embodied, emotional flow. Emotions will be revealed to be the elegant gifts of self regulation, self medication, and self realization that they were designed to be.

Penelope Young Andrade, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist, founder of the San Diego Center for Bio-Psychosynthesis, News Columnist and web host of Transformational Talk Radio. She has had more than 35 years of experience integrating the best of traditional and alternative bodymind therapies for individuals, couples and families. Check out her website www.penelopetalk.com email penart@abac.com Or call 858-481.5752 for more information.