Gray Matters

It’s been quite some time
I’ve been traveling on this route,
No one ever told me
What it was all about,
I’ve been probed to my core,
Sometimes I wonder
What it’s all for,

I’m affected on the inside
Morning, noon and night,
My friends and family
Say it will be all right.
But what do they know?
They’ve never been down this road,
All they know
Are the impressions that I’ve showed.

Oh Lord,
Help me.
No one ever told me
How complex all of these difficulties would be.
There are no signs pointing the way,
How can people say it’ll be Ok?

They may know of my problems with memory,
But they couldn’t possibly know
How widespread it affects me!
What about my sense of disorientation
And the disappearance of my dreams?
How come no one ever told me about these things?

There are potholes along the road,
My abilities have seemed to corrode,
No one ever paved this road for me,
I trip over obstacles I can’t even see,

Sometimes,
I feel the doctors are only guessing,
I think
Some may need
More knowledge and skill
To be assessing!

I don’t want the doctor
To paint the picture
What my outcome will be…
He may be having a bad day,
I believe much more in me!

I may be making it up as I go,
But I best accommodate for myself,
This I know.
I trust in my instincts,
Get a little help along the way,

Trauma to the brain,
Neurological traffic,
…Blocks do let up
Along the unpaved road.

Symptoms abounding:
Behavioral,
Emotional,
Sense of self,
Psychosocial,
Cognitive,

Untying knots,
Braiding myself back together,
Rehabilitation.

Therapy -
Knowledge rebounds in the aftermath,
Recognizing new parts of myself,
Healing is in flow,
Internalizing,
Developing,
I’m traveling down that road.